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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.Ĭrisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.įor people who identify as LGBTQ, if you or someone you know is feeling hopeless or suicidal, you can also contact The Trevor Project's TrevorLifeline 24/7/365 at 1-86.Lol. If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. It's taken a while for me to get to that stage of being aware enough to know it and bold enough to try it." And at the same time, it's also the most terrifying, but I'm OK with that. I think that's the most exciting part right now. Now, without football, I can say yes to a million different things and not have to worry about repercussions or focusing too much energy on something else and not another thing. It changes and I think that's completely OK. He added: "I feel like I'm still learning who I am as a human being and that's not only my morals and my values and what I stand for, but that's what I want out of life. "I just hope (the book) helps (readers) realize that they're not alone – that there's people. "It's OK not to have it all figured out," he said. Last year, Underwood told USA TODAY that he hoped the major takeaway from his book is that no one is alone. Interview: 'Bachelor' alum Colton Underwood opens up about battling coronavirus, his new book 'The First Time' I wish I would have been courageous enough to fix myself before I broke anyone else." I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart and for the emotional pain it caused. "I just wish I wouldn't have dragged people into the mess of figuring out who I was," he said. Underwood said he has no regrets about appearing on "The Bachelor" (and believes he wouldn't have come out if not for the franchise) though he is sorry for the way he handled things on the show. When he officially became the Bachelor, Underwood recalled praying to God and thanking him "for making me straight." Now, after coming to terms with who he is, Underwood noted: "I don't feel that anymore." There were times during his self-discovery that he fell into a "dark" place and sometimes grappled with suicidal thoughts, he added. Reflecting on his past to "GMA," Underwood said growing up in the Catholic church and playing football (where a bad play would sometimes be dubbed "gay" as a way of insulting the player) made it difficult for him to accept who he was, though he had an inkling that he was different by the time he was 6 years old. But what else was I? Was there anything more?"
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Identity was such a big question mark with me.
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"Maybe I wouldn't have asked 'Who am I?' as often as I did and suffered as much angst because I didn't have an answer. Maybe I wouldn't have stayed a virgin," he wrote. "Maybe (if I had been gay) it would have helped me to know myself better and sooner. In his 2020 memoir "The First Time: Finding Myself and Looking for Love on Reality TV" (a cheeky reference to Underwood's much-discussed virginity throughout his appearances on "The Bachelorette," "Bachelor in Paradise" and then "The Bachelor"), Underwood explored instances of self-discovery throughout his life, from re-learning his identity after his football career to questioning his sexuality.Īt one point in the book, he wondered if his hesitancy to sleep with his high school girlfriend meant he was gay. "As firm believers in the power of love, we celebrate Colton’s journey in the LGBTQIA+ community every step of the way.” “We are so inspired by Colton Underwood’s courage to embrace and pursue his authentic self," the executive producers of "The Bachelor" said in a statement to USA TODAY. A post shared by Chris Harrison series' producers also issued a statement in support of the former contestant.